I was hesitating to post this but after this morning’s trip to the work cafe I couldn’t take it anymore. Today my stomach was a little off which is not unusual for me so I stopped down to the cafe below our lab to get a hot tea. The cafe worker notes my unusual diversion from my normal black coffee and asks ‘tea?!’ I respond, yes I like tea but I’m also not feeling so well this morning. She giddily responds: ‘maybe you’re pregnant!!!’ me: um…no. well that’s a LONNNNNNG STORY. She responds: ‘oh I’m sorry!’ I say…oh no! I don’t even want kids. Finally she shuts up. Besides the obvious fact that tea is delicious and I drink it at home constantly sick or not, this woman can’t believe how I can live without getting knocked up. UNBELIEVABLE!
Seeing as I am not getting any younger and the question continues to puzzle those around me, I need to clear the air. Disclaimer: I am in no way bashing those who feel the opposite of me but simply stating that I do not chastise your choice and you are entitled to your own choices! Shoutout to comedienne Jen Kirkman who recently wrote about this very topic on her tumblr! Happily married, super cool, 35 years old & childless! Read her story here: Jen’s Tumblr
Questioner: Melissa dear, when are you going to have children? You aren’t getting any younger!
My Subconscious thinking: That’s right, at 27 I’m withering away!
Actual response: Oh the hubs & I don’t really want any. I’ve never had a desire even when I was growing up…in fact I was afraid of babysitting!
Questioner: oh you’re young! You’ll change your mind!
My Subconscious thinking: But you just said I wasn’t getting any younger & you don’t know the personal girl health issues I’ve experienced since I was able to menstruate or lack thereof. Should I make you feel awkward or just let you go on pressing me about this “need to conceive.”
Actual response: *nervous laughter hoping you will drop it already* I guess you never know & hey! Maybe we will adopt someday.
Let me ask you a question…can you not have an identity as a woman without bearing a child? Is that what you are implying? How could I possibly fathom living a life without giving one to someone else? Before I am compelled to digress into a lengthy & boring story about the socio-economic issues at large & the negative world in which we live; allow me this comment:
“Many people feel that having children gives meaning to life. You telling them that you don’t want children challenges that notion and forces them to consider the alternatives – what are we here for if it’s not to procreate? What legacy will I leave when I die?
Those sorts of questions are deeply unsettling for some people, and in order to avoid them they resort to telling you that you’re wrong. If they were comfortable about the choices they made and their views on life they wouldn’t have a problem with you choosing not to.
If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids.” (via this comment on reddit.com)
A-MEN. stop calling me selfish, there is so much more to my story & defense! I don’t owe a detailed explanation to those who constantly criticize. I could retort & call you a narcissist but that would be ignorance speaking. Why not try to quell those wagging tongues & leave my personal/private decisions out of your business!